Planning the future

There is a fine line between allowing myself time to set my life back in order and loafing around. It is useless to wait for things to fall into place while I play Final Fantasy XIV for hours and hours on end. While it is acceptable to work on one thing at a time, actual work must be done.

There are several things that I want to keep in more or less good condition if my life is to be a happy one. When I run out of motivation or energy, work is the only one I can really seem to keep going, and only thanks to necessity; I screw up work, I cannot afford to eat. Yet there are many other important elements that add up to a good quality of life: getting enough sleep, maintaining a clean home, a healthy body, continued creative expression, and I could go on.

plan 2015

I’ve selected four of these areas that I’ve been neglecting: cleaning, exercising, blogging, and playing guitar. Notice “writing” is distinctly absent from the list, more on that later. I’ve already done a mad blitz in my room, vacuuming while a load of laundry washes downstairs. I even moved my bed away from the wall to vacuum underneath it, and briefly considered rearranging my furniture; that can wait until another time.

Jogging was the easiest to schedule. The couch-to-5k program I’m following calls for three days a week with rest days in between, so before work on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday is perfect. This has been the plan since the new year rolled around, but I’ve been lax in getting to bed at a decent hour on Sunday nights, and once Monday is skipped, it’s all-too-easy to put the whole thing off till next week.

For blogging, I’ve always favored Thursdays. I’m going to work during the week to have a post queued up to go live on Thursdays at 6:00pm Eastern (GMT -5:00). Voilà! Here’s the first of many more to come!

Music should be often enough that my fingers retain their calluses. It’s so annoying wanting to play guitar a little more but having to stop because of the pain. Pain caused by my own negligence, adding insult to injury. I really enjoy making music and I think some new songs would help me get back into it with gusto.

Writing is a little trickier to plan. I’ve decided that Climbing Yggdrasil is coming out this year, and to do that I have to make some major content edits. My sister asked some questions, my friend Jess made some suggestions, and between what they said was a brilliant idea that ties up a few dangling threads and changes the shape of the story for the better. This makes it a bit difficult to say, “I want to have five chapters a week edited!” I suppose a good starting goal would be to identify which chapters need to be changed and where new content needs to be fitted in. For this week, my writing goal is to reread Climbing Yggdrasil paying special attention to this.

Come back next week to hear how well this worked or how it all fell apart!

Changes

This year is turning out to be one of significant changes. I chose to leave my relationship, I chose to move, and finally a third change has been thrust upon me.

Things around the office have been kind of troublesome for the last month or so. I work for the government of Québec, whose premier announced a two-year hiring freeze for provincial employees in the spring. I had been hired on a two-year contract, set to expire this month. I remained hopeful, and began badgering people for information as the date drew nearer, always being met with the response that no one knew anything.

In order for the office I work for to renew my contract, they need authorization from the Conseil du trésor. To that end, they made a detailed report of my tasks and sent them on up, hoping to justify my position based on the essential work that I did. On October 8, nine days before the end of my contract, I was called into a meeting with the vice president and the assistant director of the Régie, where I was told that in absence of a reply from the Conseil du trésor, my contract could not be renewed.

Me in front of the National Assembly, begging the Conseil du trésor to renew my contract

Me in front of the National Assembly, begging the Conseil du trésor to renew my contract

The most difficult part of leaving was saying goodbye to dear coworkers that I have become close to in my short time there. At a farewell lunch with the director, assistant director, their secretary, my boss, and the other technician in my department; I was given a card that had been signed by many of these coworkers. I teared up immediately and put the card away to read later. When I did, I had tears streaming down my face and a heart warmed by their many words of encouragement and kindness.

I have come to see this final change as an opportunity to achieve something greater. I have begun the process of looking for a new job, though at the same time I am taking advantage of my time off to enjoy life and make my home more comfortable. I may not have chosen this change, but I can embrace it.

Moving, getting ready to write

Despite the best intentions, I’ve only managed to outline a few chapters of Destiny. Most of my time has been (avoiding) packing up for a move later this week, and all the nostalgia that entails. I’ve lived here nearly five years, it was my first real home with my husband, and I’m leaving that behind. This will be a good change, but leaving things behind isn’t often easy.

life in bags

My move on the 10th still gives me plenty of time to hammer out my outline. Once I get settled in, I plan to dedicate 90% of my free time to getting it done (I still have to leave myself a small percentage for socializing, quiet time, baths, etc.) so that come November 1st, I’m ready to start at a run. I can see myself taking my laptop with me everywhere in the house, outlining in the dining room, the basement, on the front porch on less cold days.

It will be good not to be chained to my desk, to have a change of scenery. I’m mostly ready. My desk is a mess, I’ve got to organize things and probably chuck most of it out.

Let’s get personal

It’s been nearly a month since I’ve posted. In one of my more recent posts, I mentioned that I’m going through a difficult time. I’m separating from my husband of seven years, and I’m having a tough time navigating this reality. There are lots of emotions, there are lots of uncomfortable moments, and I’m doing my best to find my feet and redefine who I am as a single man.

Most of my writing has been restricted to introspection that I pen in my journal. I report arguments and feelings in an effort to sort through my emotions and make sense of the noise in my head. I’ve also been playing guitar, singing others’ emotions in an effort to express my own. I haven’t made time lately for creative writing because the other outlets feel more cathartic at this time.

Perhaps I’m wrong about that, though. Maybe it would be useful for me to play in the lives of my fictional characters, wreak havoc upon them, mistreat them as a way of getting my anger and frustration out. I know that I will return to creative writing, that I will finish my book, and write many others; why not make it part of my healing process? Why not redefine myself with something that I already know to make up a huge part of who I want to be?

Long story short: this is a notice that posts may well be irregular and infrequent for a little while. I haven’t forgotten who I am, I haven’t forgotten my book and my stories. I’ll be around.